As I write this eulogy, I am overlooking a Catholic Church. I have no problems with that; in fact the only problem so far living directly opposite one is that the bells ring out on a Sunday morning at precisely twenty past nine, and this is particularly regrettable when the night before is but a hazy memory, and you feel like a million sumo wrestlers are doing the ‘Romanian Penguin’ dance in close proximity to your temple.
And today, looking at it makes me feel that I have to be repentant for my sins. Now, I haven’t broken any of the Ten Commandments, or committed any sinister act (that I know of). But I am afraid that the vows I made a couple of weeks ago have been broken and tarnished, but with good cause and without any malice aforethought.
I must now confess my ills. On Monday night, while en route to a local establishment to watch a certain game of football, I may have indulged in a chip barm, and on Saturday, I was out on the town with the Ginger Man Mountain, yet again watching twenty two men running around after a sheep’s pancreas (only this time in a live arena), and may have in the process consumed a Whopper Meal from a well known fast food outlet.
Yes indeed, I am off to shout “Hail Mary” and cross myself, and devote the rest of my life to seeking inner sanctity.
Actually, I am not. My actions were all taken in the full knowledge of my deeds, and as such, I feel no remorse. And it tasted amazing, so all is hopefully forgiven.
The good news is however that my budget for the second week was once again under a tenner, and I still have food remaining. I reckon that I could easily survive until Friday with the stocks I currently have, so I believe that I can be pardoned and waved on my way with good grace and humility.
Here is a list of what I bought last week:
2 packs Curry Noodles 22p
6 beef and onion slices 96p
4 toffee muffins £1
2 x “Rustler” type Hamburger £2
Chicken and Vegetable Chunky Soup 77p
Steak and Ale Stew 77p
Spaghetti Bolognaise in a Can (not as disgusting as it sounds) 49p
Carrot and Coriander Soup 46p
Supermarket’s version of Shredded Wheat £1
5 bananas £1
Pack of Digestives 39p
Tin of Tomato Soup 24p
Tinned Chicken and Vegetable Curry 53p
That is a tremendous amount of food, coming to a total of £9.83, and I still have much grub left over. Today is Wednesday, one day after I can officially go spending my coffers for sustenance again, and I still have the curry, tomato soup, carrot and coriander soup, chicken stew, the pack of digestives, the 2 packs of noodles, and 10 shredded wheats available for my perusal. More than enough to last me a few days, and I still have the money for the third week available. I might be able to have a glutton feast for the weekend.
Or I could meditate, ponder and try and channel the energy into making me a better person and avenge my evidently sinful ways.
I think you can guess what my actions are going to be. Pass me the caviar…